I’ve never been the time to let someone treat my family terrible or even date someone twice, but something about Joshua, my current boyfriend, has got me letting him do this. Well, let me start from beginning, we started talking in the middle of January 2010 and we met February 4, 2010. It was an unbelievable time..I didn’t want to leave his arms, but had homework to do. We then saw each other 10 days later after we had made it official on the 8th of February. Valentine’s Day was awesome. He got me out of work early and we went back to my house to watch the end of the Daytona 500. Damn yes we are nascar geeks :D. The turmoil started when my two cousins were smoking weed outside of my house and Joshua being the sheltered guy he is had a major problem with it. Don’t get me wrong I hate it, but I know I can’t get contact high just standing outside. He got mad and thought I was trying to jeopardize his job. He broke up with me that night over facebook. For 2 weeks we argued over why he couldn’t come over and why we couldn’t be together. I felt judged because of my family. I’ve never been high in my life and I hate it all with a passion, but I was being judged over it? I may as well should have been using.  anyways so we decided to see each other March 12th after not seeing each other for a month we felt it would be perfect, but my family got in the middle and threw some stones. My sister told you to get your act together and stop playing me. I really appreciated my sister for saying that, but at the same time I could handle my own relationship and felt betrayed she went behind my back. He replied, “Blow me princess” and proceeded to tell her he was never seeing me again…so then my mom sends him a facebook message just in general calling him a coward and just being a typical navy guy in which he proceeded to tell her, “Shut up you are nothing but a cock holster..” This is where I told myself I would never talk to him AGAIN…you just don’t diss on my family..After that, I was hurt by both sides, not only was it too much drama for me, but the guy I really liked just told my two favorite people in the world all that, knowing that it would ruin his chances with me..why didn’t he give a shit? He blocked me, then unblocked me and I still got all his updates on my homepage even though we weren’t friends so March 21st I asked him if he was seeing my updates like I was seeing his. He said no and told me he was sorry and that he wanted to see me for us to talk it out. I was cool with that but told him if any sketchy business were to happen that it was his last chance and I wasn’t going back next time. We got together and had an amazing time. HE told me he never wanted to lose me and he could see us going long term. That he was sorry(like a million times) for all the things he said to my mom and sister. I asked why he ignored me and why he made me feel like an inconvenience…he set it all straight. His phone had broke and he could no longer see anyone who was calling in or calling out..so he just turned it off..So why do I feel so rotten for being his girlfriend again? I feel I double crossed my family, my own flesh and blood..the ones who have been by my side my whole life through everything and I was just going to do that to be with him? All I can hope is that they can let me make my own mistakes and be there to catch my fall if I shall ever need it. I just hope I’m not falling for just words and his actions will follow through. I don’t want to be my mother’s daughter. I love her to death, but I don’t know what a real relationship should be. I only hope I don’t make myself look like a mess and become just what I don’t want to become. My mom kis my hero, but relationships are my weak points and I always have a massive wall and big insecurities…urghhh. this sucks.. I’m thinking positive, but I saw how easy it was for him to just leave the second time…If only he knew everything he could have with me, he’d never leave….here’s to a fresh new start with JDM May it be everything I hoped for.:D

quote-book:

♥trisha

I miss the days when we were best friends and the days you would call just to tell me how your day was going..i miss the days i thought we’d someday be together. we had the same beliefs, same music interests, and the same childhood..you were like my opposite sex twin..i wish i could carry on your name…i wanted to be your everything, but you left me for your girl..I mean, who did you call when you were mad at her or when you went to your dads house? all i’m trying to say is I miss your good friendship…